A Handy Guide on What NOT to say to a Pregnant Lady....

The complete nonsense that comes out of some people’s mouths when faced with a pregnant woman never ceases to amaze me. It’s like the addition of a bump to a conversation means all common sense flies out of the window and creates an open season on ridiculous comments, where nothing is too personal and no body part is off limits. I’m not talking about friends, who can say anything, or your mom, who probably already has. But about random people, mainly complete strangers, who, in my short-lived experience, are the worst offenders.

Luckily for me, we currently live in Ohio, where people would rather stab themselves in the foot with a fork than make some kind of small talk. But still, some of the things I have heard from virtual strangers… So if you’re not sure what to say to someone you barely know who’s "+ Bump”? Here’s a tiny guide, from the good to the very, very bad of what I’ve experienced so far with the likely (silently thought) responses, since these will remain unspoken most of the time since pregnant ladies are typically polite enough to just laugh them off...

Perfectly Acceptable…

• You have a very neat bump.
• I have no idea what this even means, but it seems to be one of the pregnancy Holy Grail compliments. It sidesteps all size issues, and just sounds nice.
• You’re glowing!
 
• Thanks! (Especially good if you know you’re actually green/ghostly faced after being sick all morning).
• Your hair looks great!
• You can’t go wrong with this one. 

Slightly Shaky Ground…

• You look tired. 

• That’s because I AM TIRED! I’ve been up for most of the night making trip after trip to pee! Oh and thanks. Bet you wish you hadn’t pointed that fact out now.
• You must be tired.
 
• Yes, I’m so tired because I was out last night drinking til’ the wee hours of the morning at a club. Seriously people…Not okay!
• You look tiny.

• Tricky one, this is. Although it’s a desirable response in most social situations, in pregnancy it’s on dodgy ground. You don’t look pregnant = Are you pregnant or committing pregnancy fraud! I’ve gotten this one daily right up until about 20 weeks, and then I got…
• You’re look bigger than….
• You feel huge. You don’t need anyone pointing it out. This plays on all your insecurities, even though you know you are not fat; but pregnant. Avoid at all costs!
• Your bump looks high / low / wide…you must be carrying a boy / girl etc
• Oh righty then…Thank you, I think!

 The very worst (avoid at ALL COSTS)

• Were you trying?
• Think about this for a second…it either means ‘were you deliberately having sex in order to conceive’ or ‘was this baby an accident?’ Both are basically the same…awful! Basically, a awkward way of asking someone about their sex life. Which I’m happy to talk about at length with friends, in the right “drunken” circumstances, but not in the middle of a busy pharmacy (as I was when asked first-time round. Really?).
• Are you sure it’s not twins in there?

• I’ve never actually got this one – thank goodness – but have seen many a Facebook friend tearfully write that some random in the street has said it to them. Why?!?! Not nice at all..
• Can I touch the bump?

• At least you asked…but, still….NO!